Funny, all this while I had been writing the dates wrong...so today is not the 14th but 15th.
I don't know why I feel the need to say or write this. But a part of me now feels that I can do it....that I can emerge victorious come what may..that I can crack this challnge and finally learn the lesson I'm being asked to learn. It wasn't until I read a random status on a friend's wall yesterday that an understanding was triggered as I got up this morning. Well yeah part of it must also have to do with my having read Murphy's book before I hit bed and two chapters from Robin Sharma's book "Who will cry when you die". The status line I spoke of was "Nothing ever goes away until it has taught you what you need to do" I figured this morning ( something I also wrote about in an email to a distant friend that perhaps I had been looking at this pattern the wrong way...I thought it was my enemy when all along it was a kind and patient teacher to me,waiting for me to finally get what it was trying to say. I still don't know what it wants to tell me but I believe that as I got up this morning I was a step closer to the answer. I read a few pages from both the books I previously mentioned and I have to share these beautiful quotes from Robin's book that are directly applicable to my challenge or situation.
Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done , whether you like it or not - Thomas Henry Huxley
Whatever we learn to do , we learn by actually doing it : men come to be builders, for instance, by building, and harp players, by playing the harp. In the same way, by doing just acts we come to be just, by doing self controlled acts , we come to be self controlled, and by doing brave acts, we come to be brave - Aristotle.
Oh and I also downloaded a beautiful song from youtube that should serve to give me constant hope. Its titled "I believe I can fly". Uplifting and encouraging.
If someday I really get around songwriting , the way I've often thought, then these are the kind of songs i shall write for I would never want any other soul to go through the kind of pain i have. Actually, it'll be wrong to say that I wouldn't want them to go through such pain for with pain comes understanding. It visits us for a reason. But I'd want my fellow brothers and sisters to not feel lonely or lost as they tread the path of self understanding. I feel for such people for I know what a lonely path it was or has been for me.
I don't know why I'm saying this but just about everything I have learnt "till date" I wish to use for the benefit of others, I wish to use it to help others understand. I don't like the idea of keeping it hoarded, to keep my skills and talents to myself. A talent is meant to be used for others and skill to serve others. And if they manage to glean if an iota of understanding from my pain, words or experiences, I'd consider my purpose solved.
Therefore, if I emerge successful in this 50 day challenge I undertook, If I manage to successfully graduate, I am going to invest time in setting up a platform that could inform, motivate and encourage other souls. I honestly have no clue how I'd do it. But I've had this idea in my mind for so long that I must act on it else I'd continue feeling restless and who knows, maybe it is connnected to the purpose I've been seeking so desperately all this while? I have to act on this hunch or nudge that I believe i've had for a long time now. I guess it's been there since i was 19 or 20. And considering what all everyone has been saying about the dimensional change or the shift or 2012 or human evolution in general I've come to understand that the time to act is NOW. Because it is now that So many people are struggling. There must be many fellow seekers of mine looking for a path , or some light at the end of the tunnel, many who must be struggling to keep away thoughts of gloom and hopelessness. My heart goes out to them. And in this moment I pray that they all be taken care of and that they all come to unveil the greatness they possess , the beauty that lies within their very soul, that they see themselves for who they really are .... infinite, beautiful beings who have it in them to help our world change for the better.
I've had several ideas since I was 18, ideas that I could have worked on but I didn't either because i didn't have the courage to act on them or because I thought I just couldn't succeed at their implementatin and improvisation. Something or the other was always missing ( in my eyes ) and kept me from acting. Even now as I think of this little contribution that I intend to make for my own benefit and my fellow seekers I have thoughts of doubt trying to come to the surface of my mind and I have to tell myself "Don't kill it again, don't think of what can go wrong" . And now I can't help smiling....because
a) I'm listening to Amazing grace in the beautiful voice of an artist Chris Tomlin...and a part of me really can't help wondering if the song is apt for this moment of realization and gratitude. And I'm thinking..."have i not found the purpose I was looking for all this while?" And somewhere inside me a part of me is really wondering...gosh "Are my chains really gone?" =0)
b) I realize that nothing can actually go wrong. Because all along it never mattered how perfectly I implement this little plan i've nursed in my heart for long. The only thing that "Does" matter is the Intent, is this desire in my heart to reach out to others and soothe their souls and help them believe in themselves all over again and to realize their true potential. What matters is this desire I possessed all along to become an instrument of his love, to serve my fellow brethrens. And so if one really thinks about it, there's nothing I have to worry about. I consider it done. The universal force shall guide me and provide me with just the right resources to carry out this idea/plan. I lovingly request my guardian angels to protect this beautiful thought from any thorns of sorrow or doubt, and to work upon it while I focus on my exams. I trust in the guidance of the higher force and know that I shal be guided. Really. When i look at this guy who started with the "Love police" concept or Anna Hazare who's fasting against corruption I realize that you only need the spirit, the intent...the rest just falls in place. These people are an excellent example of the same. I'm reminded of Mahatma Gandhi's words "Be the change you wish to see in the world"
I am to think not what "they" can do but what "I" can do to bring about a positive change and to touch the lives of as many people as I can. You know it's funny but as a teenager of course I even thought of how much profit I could make with such ideas or how I could put up advertisements or books from the sale of which I could earn a comission but honestly, none of that matters now. I feel driven with a spirit that transcends such petty things, I'm driven with the desire to spread love and comfort. And I know that in the process I too shall be taken care of in whatever way it's required. I must come from a place of selflessness or this idea can never truly blossom and benefit others. Besides, I see so much being done by Americans for their own people and their counterparts across the globe. I can't help feeling that it's time I stop cribbing about it and realize that perhaps I was born in India for a reason. Pehraps I really could do something for my nation, my people and of course my brothers and sisters in the rest of the nations. Ultimately , we are all one. It's time to "Wake Up".
I know I still have a lot of work that I need to do on myself and this awareness too kept me from getting into a mode of action. However, I also realize now that we are a work in progress and that considering what a perfectionist I've always been I shall never think I've done enough work on myself. So I believe the time has come, for me to get into action. Ahhh my heart expands at the very thought :) It's my soul saying a resounding yes. But yes, I still have these exams to undertake and if and when i feel any fear I shall look it in the face and say I know I CAN do it so no use trying to scare me chap!
You know how they say that we all have come to this planet with a purpose and all we need is to be able to realize what that purpose is, that it's IN us and we just need to unveil it. I really felt irritated by such talks but now I'm beginnng to think I might be close to unveling it. Whatever it is , it's meant for others, It never was for me!! And yeah I think I'm not supposed to keep waiting "until" the time I become a postgraduate or phd or until I start earning because then the right time shall never come.
* A kind deed daily. Reflecting upon it as I hit bed.
* Attitude of Gratitude
* Doing my duty, my work and believing that it's leading me closer to my purpose
* Trusting that this seed I found from the recesses of my soul today is now in the germination phase.
* Keep an account of any snippets of ideas coming to me.
* Hug campaign. ( Power of touch)
* Speaking in schools to kids. Or via youtube.
* Sharing the reviews of quality books, videos, quotes, articles, experiences..whtever feels right.
*Affirmations
*Continue reading Murphy
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